How to Let Something Go and When Does a Situation Become Toxic?
Work has been way more stressful in the last 6-ish months or so than it has been in a few years. A big culprit is change. We’ve gone through a lot of upheaval in the last year and as Garth would say…
The most recent frustration, which is not a new one, has to do with the annual evaluation process. My problem is with the grading scale, which is a three-point system. So, while officially the scale is Outstanding, Successful, and Needs Improvement, what it really means is that you are either Amazing, Fine, or you Suck. For years I didn’t care as long as I got Successful so I would get the yearly pay bump and not get fired. Then a few years ago, while putting together my self-evaluation, I realized how much stuff I actually do here. The truth is, on the days I work, I do more to keep the place open and running (i.e., the day-to-day operations) than anyone else. That’s not to say that my coworkers don’t do a lot, because they do. They just do other stuff more often than the basics of keeping the lights on and helping customers. This does not bother me because I like knowing what my role is and that I am helping my coworkers do all of the awesome stuff that they do. I just wish I got recognized for it. Now I know that I am not a perfect employee, far from it in fact, but I’m better than “Fine.” I am a solid B or on the Meltzer scale I’m a 4.0. That cannot be quantified or qualified in this current system and that drives me crazy.
This is the fourth year that this process has bugged me and I am so tired of it. So my question is, how do I let this go? My work life would be so much easier if I didn’t care about this crap, but for some reason I do. And with our new boss, I’m still trying to figure out where I stand (though we are in a much better place than we were a month or so ago). I wish I knew what to do but I know that no matter what I say or do, things are probably not going to change. *sigh*
I was talking to my daughter about all of this, and a few other work things, last night and it was her opinion that my working environment was becoming toxic and that I should look for something else. I have some amazing coworkers, some of who I love dearly, but I also think that she might be right and I have no idea what to do.
I know that I shouldn’t complain because I do have a good job, but still, this just sucks. I hate these feelings and the stress and the uncertainty and while this job has always been stressful at times, those other two are relatively new. In a little more than a year, I will graduate from grad school, so maybe at that point, I’ll have more options. Who knows.
RIP Jerry Springer
Earlier this week, Jerry Springer who was best known for his wild 90s daytime television talk show, passed away at 79. Originally, his show was more Phil Donahue (look it up kids) than trashy spectacle. Unfortunately, trash sells hence his turn toward TV chaos.
I remember watching the show in its early days and found Springer to be thoughtful, insightful, and bright. He certainly lost that identification over time, but that is how I will always remember him. That and for his sign-off.
