Somewhere Inbetween
This was originally posted on the One Band, 5 Songs Patreon on June 25, 2024.
Sometimes music hits you when you least expect it. Yesterday, Frank Turner dropped an acoustic version of the song "Somewhere Inbetween," an already powerful number that appears on his latest album Undefeated. I gained a new appreciation for the song earlier this month when I saw Turner live in Dallas. It was a truly special performance. Then I heard this new version of the song and was stopped dead in my tracks.
"Somewhere Inbetween" is an incredibly personal song that deals with self-doubt, loneliness, longing for acceptance, and the struggle of dealing with overwhelming feelings. Listening to this stripped-down version of the song, I was able to focus more intently on the lyrics.
[Verse 1]
I've been pretending to be somebody else since I was just fifteen
And I don't know if the show was for them or for me
Any more, I'm not sure, and I don't recall being born
But I remember being underwhelmed when I worked out who I was
Because that didn't fit with any of
The feelings I'd been feeling, the things I started thinking as a kid
Who didn't know how to feel, but could instinctively pretend
Put on a show. Was it for them? I have forgotten where this ends
[Chorus]
Blinking in the light, emerging into something
Something isn't right, something isn't working
No one on my side, no sense of where I'm standing
Half my fucking life caught somewhere in-between
The line that floored me was "But I remember being underwhelmed when I worked out who I was." That lyric is not only the focal point of an already touchingly honest first verse but also the thesis statement of the entire song.
To say that I have struggled with self-doubt throughout my life would be an understatement. To quote another of Frank's songs, "...if self-loathing was a sport, I'd be Muhammad Ali." That is me to a tee. Where this self-hatred came from is anybody's guess (though if I'm being honest with myself, having been born with one hand probably has something to do with it). That said, one of the side effects of inward-focused negative thoughts, at least for me, is loneliness. With a few short-lived exceptions, I have never felt like I fit in. Even in my current job, which I love and am lucky to work with an incredible group of people, I am on the outside. Always on the outside.
In an uncannily perfect way, the bridge of "Somere Inbetween" captures this feeling.
[Bridge]
Is it so much to ask? To be offered some protection
To be let go by the past, to feel some acceptance
To find somewhere to belong, and something to belong to
A place where I'm allowed. Anywhere but in-between
"To find somewhere to belong, and something to belong to" is something I reached for...well...for nearly as long as I can remember. John Moreland also articulated this longing in "Blacklist" when he sang
Maybe I don't have it in me
Maybe it doesn't have me in it
And if I don't fly, that's fine
Just let me find a place where I fit
Maybe that's something that we're all looking for, a place where we fit. The world is this equally harsh and wonderful place, but it has become increasingly easier and easier to just get lost in all of its noise. How do any of us, find someplace to belong?
Have you found that place where you belong, where you fit in?
Maybe...hopefully, someday I'll find where that is.
References:
Genius - Frank Turner--Somewhere Inbetween Lyrics: https://genius.com/Frank-turner-somewhere-inbetween-lyrics
Genius - Frank Turner--Haven't Been Doing So Well Lyrics: https://genius.com/Frank-turner-havent-been-doing-so-well-lyrics
Genius - John Moreland--Blacklist Lyrics: https://genius.com/John-moreland-blacklist-lyrics