Have you ever been stuck in between two people? I’m not talking about being physically stuck between two people but instead being the person who is basically the intermediary. Well, it fucking sucks. Especially when it is family.
Recently, I’ve had some relatives move back to Oklahoma after being gone for 20 years. They are good people and well-meaning but they are also a lot. There are other members of the family that they really don’t have any relationships with while I do. The last time they visited, they had some positive interactions with this individual and now want to have a closer relationship with that person. And they keep asking me about it. A lot.
How am I supposed to answer these questions?!? Am I supposed to betray one person’s confidence because someone else doesn’t understand why they aren’t close? How is that fair? Or reasonable? And how do they not see the impossible position it puts me in?
Here’s what I’m afraid of… At some point, I am going to absolutely lose my shit about this and go off on these people. And it won’t be pretty. When I feel backed into a corner or have passed my limit, I can be exceptionally mean. This wouldn’t be a problem but these relatives don’t ever seem to let shit drop. They’re like a dog with a bone and when they get on one of these kicks, it puts a ton of stress and pressure on me. Now to be fair, I’m sure that they do not realize the effect this has on me. When they lived thousands of miles away, this was easier to manage but now…
Here’s why this is complicated for me. First off, I love everyone involved and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Second, these people have done a lot for me and my immediate family. Like, a lot, so obviously I don’t want to seem ungrateful or that I don’t appreciate them and everything they have done for us. So I am wrestling with the best way to address this issue. And have I mentioned my incredible aversion to conflict? Not only do I want to not ruin a relationship but more than that, I really just don’t want to get into any of it. Either way, it feels like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
*sigh*
🖤