Have you ever seen the movie Pump Up the Volume? It’s a Christen Slater, 1990 cult classic film about this kid who becomes a pirate radio DJ (Slater) who riles up a Phoenix, AZ suburb with his program that is filled with crude humor, scathing commentary, and some excellent pre-Nirvana boom alternative music. The film’s opening monologue—hell the entire movie, if we’re being honest—is, to this day, shockingly astute and prescient.
First off, we've been Internet buddies for YEARS! How did i just figure out you only have one hand?!?! I guess that's like a newer friend of mine being surprised when they found out i have a dead little sister. I just don't talk about it much anymore. But still..... Ha
Also, Pump up the Volume is a HUUUUGE influence on me too. ❤️
And parents? I think it's a generational thing, too. My mother is very much like this as well, or was. She's gotten better, but she was once a loving caring left leaning lady who after her mother died in 2000, and then 9/11... She shifted into this Right Winger using casual racism in conversations with me....
She thinks she has all the answers. She'll listen to any story of mine, only to but in and give me all the worst advice. Advice that worked for her 20 years ago. These are people who grew up and knew what the world was, Black And White. Their worldview is absolutely right, and it has to be. It couldn't possibly be any other way, but the way they experience.
Where we have grown up in a completely different world than they did, even if both those worlds existed side by side from each other. We understand things are much more fluid, full of change and what worked 20 years ago no longer works now because the world is so very different, yet people from that generation and other close minded people are just stuck in this worldview that the way they see the world is the way it really is. It's so interesting.
The letter was a good idea. Giving it to them? Probably not the best idea, but i would have done it too. I would have given it, and gave written similar things to my parents in the past. Sometimes it's about burning things down. Getting things out of your head. Getting it off your soul.
It sucks you are going through all this. You're an adult being treated like a child. Still. Again. Some more. But that's not your fault and you did try. You did so much more than a lot of people would have. I hope when you look back you can see all the wins you made with them. And good on you for standing up for yourself and family and trying to get them to understand. But they're not going to understand. It's so strange, but as i said, I've seen it too in my life.
Love you friend. Good luck with this, but I think you're doing great. ❤️
I originally followed your podcast because it had Oklahoma in the tile so it feels strange to actually be responding with relationship (parental) advice. If I have it correct, they essentially abandoned you and took off to Florida and there was no really practical way to insure regular, periodic contact. I realize you were an adult at the time, but that doesn’t really matter, does it? When you talk about them, it doesn’t sound like you are talking about people you are family-ar with (pardon the grammatical license).
The letter was a bad idea. Not writing it, that was good, you got things out of your head, but giving it. The only thing, I think, that is really going to help is time. You have to spend time getting to know each other again. They shouldn’t have to ask your daughter about you, this means you should be more forthright. I suspect they would like to have a good relationship with her as well, but until it is fixed with you, that ain’t happening.
Sorry to hear they are talking about heading back to Florida. Who they became there may seem simpler and more authentic than the mess they left behind in Oklahoma. You really never can run away from your problems, but you can get far enough away that you don’t have to think about them as long as the TV is running in the background.
Take all of this with a grain of salt. I can’t really know, but I stumbled across your story and you invited comment so as I’m sitting here with my first cup of coffee waiting on the snow I thought I’d send tidings of ‘chill motherfucker’ your way.
The only way out is through. You and they may not be happy with the changes that happened during the great absence. There is probably truth coming from both sides. You and your parents are going to have to forge a new relationship with strangers in order to have access to the people they remember. Slow and calm. I say this having read that your mom is a bit histrionic and your dad arrogant and brusque. I’ll end with a lyric from the same time, “Just a little patience”.
You aren’t out to lunch, I deal with a lot of the same things with my family and the hardest part is either confronting them on their shit or setting up boundaries where in the end makes you look like a asshole but you are truly just trying to save your mental health.
First off, we've been Internet buddies for YEARS! How did i just figure out you only have one hand?!?! I guess that's like a newer friend of mine being surprised when they found out i have a dead little sister. I just don't talk about it much anymore. But still..... Ha
Also, Pump up the Volume is a HUUUUGE influence on me too. ❤️
And parents? I think it's a generational thing, too. My mother is very much like this as well, or was. She's gotten better, but she was once a loving caring left leaning lady who after her mother died in 2000, and then 9/11... She shifted into this Right Winger using casual racism in conversations with me....
She thinks she has all the answers. She'll listen to any story of mine, only to but in and give me all the worst advice. Advice that worked for her 20 years ago. These are people who grew up and knew what the world was, Black And White. Their worldview is absolutely right, and it has to be. It couldn't possibly be any other way, but the way they experience.
Where we have grown up in a completely different world than they did, even if both those worlds existed side by side from each other. We understand things are much more fluid, full of change and what worked 20 years ago no longer works now because the world is so very different, yet people from that generation and other close minded people are just stuck in this worldview that the way they see the world is the way it really is. It's so interesting.
The letter was a good idea. Giving it to them? Probably not the best idea, but i would have done it too. I would have given it, and gave written similar things to my parents in the past. Sometimes it's about burning things down. Getting things out of your head. Getting it off your soul.
It sucks you are going through all this. You're an adult being treated like a child. Still. Again. Some more. But that's not your fault and you did try. You did so much more than a lot of people would have. I hope when you look back you can see all the wins you made with them. And good on you for standing up for yourself and family and trying to get them to understand. But they're not going to understand. It's so strange, but as i said, I've seen it too in my life.
Love you friend. Good luck with this, but I think you're doing great. ❤️
I originally followed your podcast because it had Oklahoma in the tile so it feels strange to actually be responding with relationship (parental) advice. If I have it correct, they essentially abandoned you and took off to Florida and there was no really practical way to insure regular, periodic contact. I realize you were an adult at the time, but that doesn’t really matter, does it? When you talk about them, it doesn’t sound like you are talking about people you are family-ar with (pardon the grammatical license).
The letter was a bad idea. Not writing it, that was good, you got things out of your head, but giving it. The only thing, I think, that is really going to help is time. You have to spend time getting to know each other again. They shouldn’t have to ask your daughter about you, this means you should be more forthright. I suspect they would like to have a good relationship with her as well, but until it is fixed with you, that ain’t happening.
Sorry to hear they are talking about heading back to Florida. Who they became there may seem simpler and more authentic than the mess they left behind in Oklahoma. You really never can run away from your problems, but you can get far enough away that you don’t have to think about them as long as the TV is running in the background.
Take all of this with a grain of salt. I can’t really know, but I stumbled across your story and you invited comment so as I’m sitting here with my first cup of coffee waiting on the snow I thought I’d send tidings of ‘chill motherfucker’ your way.
The only way out is through. You and they may not be happy with the changes that happened during the great absence. There is probably truth coming from both sides. You and your parents are going to have to forge a new relationship with strangers in order to have access to the people they remember. Slow and calm. I say this having read that your mom is a bit histrionic and your dad arrogant and brusque. I’ll end with a lyric from the same time, “Just a little patience”.
You aren’t out to lunch, I deal with a lot of the same things with my family and the hardest part is either confronting them on their shit or setting up boundaries where in the end makes you look like a asshole but you are truly just trying to save your mental health.